GRIEF

Understanding Death in Oakham and Rutland, Stamford and Leicester:

Death is most often viewed from the perspective of a survivor. This is not a particularly good viewpoint because it provides no experience and it is inevitably selfish. However it comes, death signals the end of the work needed in this lifetime. I had one encounter with a girl who died at eight years old and said that her next life was ready, now. Every encounter I have had with those whose body has died shows that the soul feels free, there is no pain and nothing matters anymore. Survivors think of unfairness, regret and sadness – things that have nothing to do with the soul which has just passed.

The trouble with death is that all most of us know about it is what it feels like to be left behind or “robbed” of a loved one. Grief is natural but self-centred. People who can still cry their eyes out after many years of grief have a problem which is nothing to do with the death of their loved one.

I was once on a small island in the Indian Ocean; there were only eighty-four guests and we all got to know eachother. I was alone at the beach bar before dinner, one evening, and a family turned up and stopped at a table well away from the bar. The father spoke to his wife and daughters and then came to the bar to order four drinks. He took three to their table and came back for his. He said to me, “I wonder if you can help me?” I said, “I will if I can.”

He proceeded to tell me that they were here because three months ago, his mother died and two months ago, his father died. He was in pieces and they came here to see if it would benefit him. I invited him to sit with me and we looked out over the lagoon. I said, “See that windsurfer out there? Imagine the sail board is your father’s body and the surfer is your father’s spirit, giving his body life. In a few minutes he will come in and lay the board and sail down on the beach and walk away, leaving them lifeless. After that he will walk up to that volley-ball, lying inert on the sand, and give life to that for twenty minutes. Tomorrow, he will pick up some scuba gear and use that.” He said, “I see.”, thanked me and joined his family.

The next morning, after breakfast, his wife came up to me with tears in her eyes and said, “***** hasn’t told me what you said. All he will say is that now he understands. He is a changed man, thank you.”

Death is only the end of the body in question, not of the soul which was the life in that body. The soul is like a big book with many pages, each lifetime being a page. As each lifetime ends, another page is added to the book and the soul becomes richer. The soul will always contain the experiences of that lifetime but will never be that person again. It is so futile to mourn for years over the passing of someone.

Mourning at the appropriate time, shortly after death, is a sending off. Continued mourning is like continually calling someone back who should be departing on a journey. The spirit of one sailor who died at sea so nearly kept reaching the Light but was endlessly called back. Each time he was called back he saw his daughter, who was nine at the time of his death, praying for him in church on every successive Sunday. Finally, he reached the Light and was surprised to have done so but understood immediately when he was greeted by his daughter’s spirit; she had just died, herself, aged thirty-three and couldn’t call him back anymore. Nothing mattered. I have witnessed the spirits of murder victims meet the spirits of their murderers; nothing mattered.

If only those who survive could know this and free themselves from their anguish. They need to grieve but often, as soon as the do, they feel selfish because it is not them who has just died and they chastise themselves and stop grieving. Contact me now; I know about death from the perspective of many who have been through it.